Poseurs of the World, Unite!
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There are some things you can fake, and some things you can't. For instance, we all have feigned illness at one time or another, whether to avoid work, school, family functions, etc. (Although the idea has occured to me more than once, I have yet to try calling in dead.) Perhaps we have feigned glee at the prospect of sitting through a friend's mind numbing vacation photos. Perhaps we have falsified sympathy at another's troubles, when we really just wanted them to shut the hell up. Maybe we have even stifled laughter at a funeral. (Not that I have ever done that.) However, piercings and tattoos are not something one should, as an adult, attempt to fake.
That's just retarded.
Case in point: available for purchase in malls across the land and on the world wide web are faux
large-gauge earrings and tattoo sleeves. First I'll attack the fake-out gauged earrings. For those of you not in know, gauged earrings are when the opening the earring is inserted into is stretched to a predetermined size, allowing the wearer to decorate her/himself with a larger size of jewelry. The sizes go from fairly small to being able to cram a Coke can through your ear lobe, if you were so inclined. A zillion possibilities! The jewelry used in this ranges from plugs (cylindrical objects held in place by little rubber o-rings,) grommets, (like the ones on your sneakers, they hold the hole open, allowing to look in the mirror and be able to peer through your own ear,) hoops, tusks, twists, etc. The offending fakey jewelry has a regular-sized earring post in the center, allowing the wearer to appear as if they have, say, 4 gauge plugs in their ears, when in reality they have two discs with a post in between them.
(Just FYI, my ears are gauged to a two and yes, I have marvelled over the fact that "I can see the closet door through my ear lobe!" Direct quote. And yes, it hurt. Stop asking.)
Now the deceiving sleeves. I discovered these thingies existed when I searched for ideas for sleeves for women. Now, anyone who is familiar with the world of tattoos knows that a sleeve is just that - a sleeve, whether full (shoulder to wrist), half (shoulder to elbow,) or three-quarter length (you get the idea,) of solid ink. Sleeves can be either an armful of blobs or an armful of art, depending on how the work is done or whether you took care of the damn thing during the healing process. The falsified tattoo sleeves are basically skin-tone panty hose decorated with various tattoo-esque designs that you wear over your arms. This apparently makes passerby think you are truly hardcore and have sleeves, when in reality you're just a moron. Now, back in the day I used to wear hose on my arms. (They were always black, ripped, and with the tight elastic-y part cut off, thanks. I wore fishnets too, although they lose their elasticity pretty quickly.) That being said, I obviously think there is nothing wrong with wearing hose on your arms. (For that matter, there is nothing wrong with wearing them on your legs, or, if you plan on knocking over a convenience store, on your head. I don't advocate the latter, though. You would be even more of a dumbass than the people with faux-gauged earrings and fake sleeves.) However, pretending to have an armload of expensive, painful, time-consuming tattoos that would, were they real, take hours and hours of work and dedicated aftercare, is just f***ed up.
If you want tattoos, grow a pair and get tattoos! If you want large-gauge earrings, have those babies tapered and gauge up to the moon! Piercings, tattoos, and body modification in general takes time, dedication, and a willingness to realize that, particularly with tattoos, your art is with you forever
. If you're afraid of the pain, don't want to spend time and effort in the aftercare of your work, or would just like to take part in trend that will be over in five minutes, then don't go near the needle. I love my piercings and I love my tattoos, and I have shed blood and sweat and skin cells for them. Make your mods mean something, for heaven's sake!
Or, just be a moron and roll on your full sleeves! And don't forget your fake 8 gauges!
Posted by Nessa
at 8:49 AM CST